Hard on Jack?

The other day I had a rare moment to myself in the car. The twins were already asleep for the night and Adam was putting the older boys to bed. I was driving myself to a blissful, one person shop at the grocery store. The drive gave me a few quiet minutes to reflect about Jack.

I fully realize that I am hard on Jack. Harder than I am on Ben. My husband is just the opposite. He fully understands Jack and is hard on Ben. At least in my opinion. He has his reasons for being tough with Ben, some of which I understand.

I think Ben doesn’t bother me as much because he’s just so happy all the time. Even when he’s naughty he’s happy. I see Ben as a fun, free spirit to be embraced and enjoyed, even if he can drive me nuts living in his own world while the rest of us are trying to operate as a family of six.

But Jack, ah Jack. I wish I could handle him better.

It bothers me when he is not nice to his brother. He’ll antagonize him then tell on him when he retaliates. Where does this instinct to have conflict come from? I run from conflict like it’s the boogie man.

He doesn’t share well. He’s getting better, but he’s still so much worse than Ben. He has a class he likes to do on the weekends but doesn’t want to go if Ben isn’t coming because he doesn’t want Ben touching his toys while he is away. It never occurred to me to hoard my stuff as a kid. Maybe my sister and I were far enough apart in age that the need never arose.

He constantly compares and makes judgements about what is fair or not. If I give them some candy, he’s not happy with the candy unless it’s the same or more as Ben. When I give him a treat I expect him be happy, not look around at everyone else’s treat to see if it’s better.

And he can’t stand to be by himself for a minute. He can’t poop by himself, even though I gladly send him off to the bathroom with his phone like every other normal person in the world. He can’t play in the basement alone or even let Adam and I put the twins down to bed without standing outside the door practically crying.

Last night in the car I realized that all these things I perceive as problems are really just one big problem. I’m worried how these character traits will effect him in life.

I feel it is my job as a parent to raise kids who become happy, fulfilled adults. And my definition of a happy adult is one who is generous, one who is grateful for what they have, and one who can enjoy his or her own company.

In Ben I see that person, so I feel like, even though he doesn’t listen well right now, he will be okay in life.

But will Jack?

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Leprechaun Traps

Chef Ben, They let him keep the hat too!

Chef Ben, Chocolate Turnovers.

Friday morning Ben ate green pancakes and whipped cream at school.

They were celebrating St Patrick’s Day.

They do so many great things for the kids in this classroom. So much set up, mess, clean up! Then all again another day. They are so creative, and they put so much effort into working with the kids. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

In the past month alone I’ve seen a Valentine’s Day party, Making Valentine’s Day Chocolate Turnovers, Paper Mache Globes, Bread Baking, and an Elaborate Travel set up which included passports for each kid.

Passport Control at School

Passport Control at School

Yesterday morning we cajoled Ben to school with the promise of checking on his Leprechaun Trap. Did he think his caught the Leprechaun? Here is what greeted him at school…

Leprechaun Traps

Leprechaun Traps

As you can see from the footprints, the Leprechaun had already been there and escaped, but not before leaving gold coins, candy and shamrock necklaces for all the kids.

Ben's Leprechaun Trap

Ben’s Leprechaun Trap

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Let the Memories Begin

Yesterday, while cleaning out a drawer in the kitchen, I stumbled upon some of our paraphernalia from our trip to Disney. I was saving it in the hopes of making a scrap booking, shadow box frame of our trip there for the older boys.

I just love the slogan, “Let the Memories Begin.” Even though ironically, at 3 years old, Ben probably won’t have any memory of it at all!

Memory is such a fickle thing.

I few months ago, after doing a scavenger hunt from the tooth fairy to Jack, I called up my father to thank him for the idea. Money under the pillow was a rarity. He would design elaborate means for me to find my money. One time the scavenger hunt led to the bottom of the pool. Another time I had to open up box after increasingly smaller box until I found it.

He didn’t remember doing these for me. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, he was always thinking of ways to amuse and delight us. Like the birthday I woke up in the tent I’d asked for.

He did, however, remember a scavenger hunt I did for him when he and my mother first separated. I went to his new house when he wasn’t home and created a scavenger hunt for him to find a note I’d written him. Unfortunately I had no recollection of that.

Perhaps it’s human nature that you don’t remember the nice things you’ve done for people but when people do nice things for you it’s forever etched in your heart. Or maybe it’s Devensky nature.

Either way it occurred to me that the Disney slogan can apply to our house, all of our houses as well.

Will they remember all the little memories we make every day?

Lately we’ve been having a dance party every night after dinner…

Dance Party USA!

Dance Party USA!

What are we listening to that makes us look like this every night?

Stuff we heard at the bowling alley, “Sugar, Sugar” by the Archies, “Who let the Dogs Out” by Baha Men and “We Built this City on Rock and Roll” by  Starship.

Also stuff from movies, “Life is a Highway” from Cars by Rascal Flatts and “How Bad Can I Be?” from the Lorax by Ed Helms.

And more. We did a heritage mat for Ben’s school which included Mom’s Jamaican roots, which meant we recently added, “Don’t worry be Happy” & “No Woman No Cry” by Bob Marley and “Tiney Winey” by Byron Lee.

Or what about our after bath memories?

For many months after the bath I would wrap the boys in their towels and carry them to the bed to dry off. I would pretend they were my presents. Then I would unwrap them and act surprised that someone got me a Jack or Ben! Exactly what I wanted! Finally I would tell why this Jack or Ben was so special and perfect to me.

Recently this game has morphed into them pretending they are rocks every night…

My 'rocks'.

My ‘rocks’.

Adam has his own ritual with the older boys.  When he tucks them in at night, he lets them pick 2 books each every night. Jack always picks the same book “Happy Birthday to You.” (Jack calls it Katroo) every single night. He has it memorized and can recite it along with you when you read it.

I wonder which, if any, memories will be remembered. At least this blog will help me remember them, even if they don’t.

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Weaned

Playing together and making a mess in the basement.

Playing together and making a mess in the basement.

Well, it’s done.

I’ve weaned the babies.

It was heartbreaking for me but they hardly noticed. Just another one of their many steps to adulthood.

So often we focus all our attention on the first time our kids do something new that the last time they do something fades away without notice. But this time I spent a lot of time thinking about the last time.

I can’t remember the exact last time for Jack and Ben. All I remember is being engorged and crying in a hot shower. Trying not to pump and being utterly depressed by the change of events.

I still felt that depression and sadness this time around. That feeling that we are just a little less connected than we were before.

I hope I remember that Sam was my only baby to up and refuse breast feeding. In one fell swoop, at 2am on a cold February morning, he pushed us one step further out of babyhood.

Aaron followed a week later, not by refusal but by just not getting offered and not even noticing it was gone. The last time I fed Aaron was early in the morning, around 5am. He nursed himself back to sleep and I held him in my arms until I heard Sam squawking on the monitor. It was such a tender moment, one I fully realized would be ended soon and I cherished every moment. For once I wasn’t snoozing sitting upright, the boppy on my lap and Aaron on top, with my head tilted back, face upward to the ceiling snoring loudly.

I’ll miss it, but it will be nice to have my body back. What’s left of it, anyway. These boys have completely stretched it out and abused it, so it’s really not the same body I had a short 7 years ago. I feel like I’ve gone from a body that could grace Maxim to a body that looks more like it belongs in National Geographic. Like one of those pigmy tribes in Africa that they are so fond of photographing.

Growing up - they can sit up and fit into the Costco cart now.

Growing up – they can sit up and fit into the Costco cart now.

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Last Day of Lil Kickers

I took advantage of the time difference this weekend to finally see Jack in action at Lil’ Kickers. We were able to move the babies nap back a bit. I’m usually home with the twins during Jack’s class. Ben usually tags along with Jack and Adam, but still doesn’t have that much interest in doing a class himself.

Each week Adam and Ben would take him and come home with stories of his incredible skills. I wanted to see it for myself! Also, it was the final class and just for this last time, they let parents participate. I knew Adam was excited to get out there with Jack.

So we packed up, strapped 4 kids into the car and off we went.

Proactive Distraction is the only way to cover all our kids!

Proactive Distraction is the only way to cover all our kids!

Ben was an angel, sitting there enjoying the iPad. Aaron and Sam were distracted by baby puffs (Angelica calls them baby crack because Aaron freaks out when he sees them.) Adam and I also took turns holding them when they got antsy.

Jack was amazing. Scoring goals and keeping score, his cheeks turning pink with exertion and excitement. I was very happy I got a chance to see it.

Goal!

Goal!

Now if I can only get ALL the boys into soccer, I will truly become a soccer mom! My husband can call me his SMILF.

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Fresh Picks (Feb 27th)

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This week I received Shallots, Purple Top Turnips, Red Potatoes, Carrots, Spinach, Lettuce & Collards.

Rarely when I get my fresh picks box do I instantly think of something to do with everything in the box. Most weeks I’m googling something just to see what it is!

When I saw this lot I immediately thought, soup in cubes that can be used for baby food as well. Not everything, but certainly the turnips, red potatoes, carrots, and spinach. I found a recipe for winter vegetable soup in my new Soupbox Cookbook, which I’m obsessed with lately. As usual, it came out smashingly good.

Shallots can be put in any salad dressing to liven it up, or as a substitute for onions. I put them to use in a mustard vinaigrette that I used to dress the lettuce. I added shredded carrots, artichokes, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, tinned chick peas, leftover quinoa and my favorite Eggplant Bacon that I’m addicted to. I added them to another Greek salad. I still have a ton left but will work away at them slowly.

Every time they send me collards it reminds me of college. My roommates, mostly Heather, grew a garden one year. Everything in it died but the collards. We went to school in a former swampland, people. The collards flourished. They filled our freezer. Heather ate collard soup for months, wishing she could think of another way to cook them. That was before the Internet. Back when we walked around in ignorance. I don’t feel old but thinking back to a time when I was an adult and lived without Internet makes me realize the truth. I’m old.

Anyway, I did a quick garlic saute for the collard greens. Put it next to my grilled chicken, sweet potatoes and baked beans.

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A Winter Education

Coming back to America after 8 years abroad was like returning to your warm bed on a cold winter morning. Everything was familiar and safe.

Actually at first it was an adjustment. I found it unnerving that I could understand everyone’s conversations around me. I felt as if I was constantly eavesdropping. I also found it odd that I now blended into the crowd. No one stared, no one approached me to check me out.

But the adjustment was quick because it was something that I had already lived. I knew it, I just had to recall it all.

I loved knowing where to find everything again. All the food I loved, the clothing stores I adored. I loved the convenience that this culture provides. I loved understanding how everything worked. My assumptions about society were correct. I knew when to tip, the appropriate time to greet or thanks someone. When something broke I knew who to call to fix it.

So I guess it went unnoticed for a while that, even though I was moving back to America, it wasn’t quite home. I had absolutely no experience living anywhere where it snowed.

Hot Chocolate in the park.

Hot Chocolate in the park.

I remember the first time it snowed when I moved to Chicago. I broke into a run with my tongue out trying to catch snowflakes. Adam informed that is what dogs also do when it snows. I’ve seen Jack and Ben try the same trick. It doesn’t really work, but I guess there is something primal and innate about trying it.

Snow accumulation after the snow storm last night

Snow accumulation after the snow storm last night

This winter, and every winter I get a little more education into the way things work when you live in a cold place.

On our way to sledding...

On our way to the sledding hill last night

So far in the past I’ve learned how pipes can burst and cause A LOT of damage if your not careful.

In Florida they just warn you not to smoke while filling up.

In Florida they just warn you not to smoke while filling up.

Static electricity in the winter is something I’ll never get used to. I’ve got a memory of a goldfish when it comes to static electricity. It always surprises me when it happens. Surprises and shocks, that is!

The other day I was out playing in the snow with Adam, Jack and Ben. We built a snowman. It was the first snowman that Ben ever built. Actually it was the first snowman Jack has ever built as well. I thought some more and realized it was the first snowman I had ever built too!

First snowman.

First snowman.

This winter I learned the best way to dry wet boots.

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I also, after 5 years, finally found gloves for the kids that don’t fall off and manage to keep their hands warm while playing in the snow. The L-bow glove covers you all the way up to the elbow. I put them on before I put on the jackets and they are super secure.

The Twins first snow storm.

The Twins first snow storm.

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Children’s Museum Field Trip

All lined up and ready to play!

All lined up and ready to play!

After my last field trip with Ben, Jack asked Adam why Mom never goes on his field trips. Well, there a few reasons.

1. I’m cheap and don’t want to pay for the sitter if I don’t have to.

2. I know he won’t get lost. Unlike Ben, I feel safe sending him out. He’s social. He won’t space out and run away on his own.

But still the conversation made me realize that he felt neglected, so I signed up for the next field trip that came along. It was at the Children’s Museum.

Each chaperone was assigned 3 kids. My group consisted of Jack, Ryan and Naima. Two boys and a girl.

I realized after this outing that I might have gotten off lucky having all boys. The two boys were pretty much in sync about where they wanted to hang out. Building, tinkering, bowling. Naima was a harder nut to crack. Saws and driving cars didn’t do it for her. The grocery store was good and so was climbing. She also seemed to share my zeal for picture taking.

She dusts, They play I-Spy

She dusts, They play I-Spy.

Scary sawing in the Tinkering Lab. Naima prefers to play with a magnet.

Scary dueling saws in the Tinkering Lab. Naima prefers to play with a magnet.

It was interesting to spend a little more time with Jack’s classmates, getting to know them better. It’s a good group for the most part. Which makes me very happy. It’s a small school, each year only has one class so he will pretty much be with the same 30 kids for the next 8 years.

Strike a Pose. Jack, Ryan, Sophia, and Vedah

Strike a Pose. Jack, Ryan, Sophia, and Vedah

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The Twins at 10 months

The twins have changed yet again in just a short month. Today they turned 10 months. Each month makes my lament for the loss of my newborns, each month makes me eager to see them become real people.

This month was another big month for growth and change.

Last week Sam up and refused to breastfeed. He’ll still take the stuff, if it’s in a bottle. Aaron shows no preference either way, but it easier and quicker to fill their bellies with formula. And after I see all the different kinds of foods they are eating now I am having a hard time touting the benefits of breast feeding an entire year verses making 10 months. I’ve decided to start weaning.

As if my body belongs half to Aaron and half to Sam, one breast has also given up, giving me a measly ounce or two each time I pump while the other side still produces a robust three or four ounces.

I have also reached a breaking point with putting them to sleep. A back breaking point. I don’t think I can rock them to sleep any longer. Another system I will work on changing this month.

Sam continues to be my poor sleeper. Last night he was up 3 times, just sitting up in his crib crying. Didn’t even want milk when offered. Both babies can make it until the morning, (which is anywhere from 4:30 to 6am for them) but it doesn’t mean they do. If Aaron wakes up, feeding doesn’t put him back to sleep like it used to do for Sam. So often I’ll be stuck with a super excited baby babbling his lungs out at 5am while the rest of the house sleeps.

Not that I’m complaining. Whenever people ask me how I’m doing, I answer, “It is so much better than it was 3 months ago, it’s hard to complain.”

Both babies can pull up to standing and scale furniture. Sam however has started to just stand. Free stand. He has also started to move from furniture to furniture with little breaks in holding. I wonder if I’ll finally get an early walker. Jack and Ben were closer to 15 or 16 months. I did carry them everywhere like the princes they are, though.

They can also perform other amazing feats like crawling up stairs, feeding themselves finger food and bottles. At this rate they’ll be shaving in another year.

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